


just fine

by DragonsAndCryptids



Series: FT one-shots [6]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, basically no one takes him seriously, i like to torture natsu okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonsAndCryptids/pseuds/DragonsAndCryptids
Summary: Natsu knows there's something wrong with him. Of course there is. There has to be. People are scared of him, call him inhuman, a monster, a demon. But everyone always tells him it's fine, that he's making a big deal out of nothing.His friends have to be right, don't they? They have to be... He's fine.He's always fine.
Series: FT one-shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618369
Kudos: 31





	just fine

**Author's Note:**

> Someday I'll stop being so mean to Natsu, maybe, possibly, idk probably not actually

They whispered about him. They didn’t know about his senses, didn’t know he could hear them. 

They all did it. The adults and the other kids. They thought he was weird, that there was something  _ off _ about him. Natsu told himself he didn’t care. They could think whatever they wanted; it didn’t make it true. 

Makarov told them to just give him some time, that he wasn’t used to people, and that’s why he acted so strange, felt so weird to be around. 

Natsu didn’t know if that was true. 

* * *

He didn’t like sleeping alone. Igneel had always let him sleep on top of him, or curled up right next to him. And the dragon had always woken him up before a nightmare had gotten so bad that Natsu woke himself up screaming. 

It was different here. There was no one to wake him up. No one at all. His bed was cold, and all he could hear was his own heartbeat thundering in his ears. 

He didn’t remember the dreams. He never did. All he knew was that they were bad. 

He hated them, and wished he had someone to wake him up. 

* * *

“Natsu… I want you to stop sleeping over so much.” 

“H-Huh?” 

Mirajane sighed and shook her head. “Lisanna won’t admit it, but she’s tired. You wake her up too often.” 

“But I—” Natsu clutched at his scarf. Lisanna was the only one who would let Natsu sleep with her. Cana laughed at him the first time he’d asked her, he was too scared to ask Erza, and Gray had shouted “Hell no!”

“No buts,” Mirajane said firmly. “Lisanna won’t ever tell you herself, so  _ I’m _ telling you. You’re too warm to share a bed with, it’s uncomfortable, and she says you make noises and thrash around in your sleep. She’s  _ tired, _ but can’t actually sleep because  _ you _ keep her up. So stop fucking coming to sleep over.” 

Natsu curled in on himself, feeling guilty over not even noticing that Lisanna couldn’t sleep because of him, and he nodded. “Okay, Mira.” 

* * *

Happy made sleeping easier. But during the summertime, specifically, around the beginning of July, the nightmares got worse, and Natsu found himself trying to find someone he could sleep with again. 

Everyone always told him no. 

* * *

“Get away from me!” 

Natsu frowned and whipped around, expecting another bandit, one that he’d missed somehow, or maybe one that wasn’t smart enough to stay down, but no one was there. He turned back to the panicked woman, and offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Nah, they’re all gone. I got rid of ‘em! It’s okay now.” He crept closer, and held his hand out, wanting to help her back to her feet. “I’m from Fairy Tail, it was my job to—” 

She slapped his hand away and shoved herself backwards, only stopping because her back had collided with a tree. “Stay back!” 

“I just want to  _ help _ you,” Natsu said. This wasn’t the  _ first _ time a victim had panicked, but… but was she panicking because of him? Was she scared of  _ him? _ All he’d done was take care of the bandits that had tried to rob her. They’d been terrorizing this village for over a month now. 

Natsu had been so excited! It was the first time Makarov had let him take a job that involved fighting by himself! 

But why was this woman acting like this? Her breath was coming out in panicked gasps, her eyes were wide with fear, but the bandits were all behind them, completely unconscious and covered in burns. She had nothing to be afraid of! 

He approached her again, and kneeled down. “I’ll keep you safe, I—” 

She peaked up at him from beneath her messy bangs, and her heart rate somehow managed to elevate. “What the hell are you?” she whispered. 

“I’m a wizard,” Natsu began. Makarov had warned him about people reacting poorly to magic at times, especially powerful magic. And if they had been in a dangerous situation, like this, it could be worse. Scared, adrenaline-filled people could be unreasonable. Natsu sure as hell didn’t get it, but he supposed this woman was proving the old man right. “I—” 

“Get away!” She shoved him back and threw herself to the side, before scrambling to her feet and sprinting away as quickly as she possibly could. 

Natsu was too stunned to follow her and try to make sure if she was okay again. What… had he done? 

He shook his head, and forced himself up to go back to the town and collect his reward. 

But he couldn’t forget the way that woman had looked at him. 

* * *

Natsu pinned down the murderer, his fire eating away at his skin. The man was screaming, howling in pain, but Natsu couldn’t say that he cared. 

Makarov had been wary about him taking this job, and had only said he could if someone came with him. It’d ended up being Gray, much to chagrin, since Mirajane wouldn’t let Lisanna come. She said her little sister wasn’t ready to go hunting down a serial killer, even  _ if _ Natsu was with her. 

Natsu  _ supposed _ he couldn’t blame her. Technically the only reason he’d been allowed to take this job at all (even with Gray as backup), was because his nose gave him a great advantage when it came to hunting people down. Makarov had said thirteen year olds didn’t need to be involved in this kind of thing. 

Now Natsu wasn’t sure if  _ that _ was true or not, but it wasn’t like it mattered, because he’d done his job, and caught the bastard. 

“Shut up!” he snarled in the man’s face. He  _ deserved _ to burn. They knew he’d killed at least seven people, possibly more. He deserved a  _ hell _ of a lot more than a few burns. 

“Gods, Natsu, let’s just restrain him and take him to the Council,” Gray muttered. 

Natsu didn’t listen. He willed his flames hotter, and shoved his burning hand against the man’s face, relishing in the pained wails. He thought he might have smiled. 

“Natsu!” Gray grabbed him by the back of his vest and yanked him off the man. “We found him, but it ain’t our job to play executioner.  _ Stop.”  _

Natsu thrashed, but just for a second, before realizing that Gray was right. What the hell was he  _ doing? _ Sure, this man was obviously a monster, but Natsu didn’t want to have someone’s death on his conscience. 

The killer grit his teeth, and held his hand over the horrific burns covering the left side of his face. “The hell is  _ wrong _ with you?” he gasped. 

_ “Me!?” _ Natsu demanded. “You— You—!” 

“Natsu, let it go.” Gray kneeled down to freeze some makeshifts cuffs onto the man. “I want to go home.” 

“Monster,” the man hissed towards Natsu, though his voice shook with fear. 

Natsu shook his head, wondering what the hell his problem was. 

Well… besides being a murderer. 

* * *

“You were begging someone to stop…” Lisanna whispered. “Last night, in your sleep.” 

Natsu glanced over at her. “What?” 

“I…” She fidgeted with the hem of her dress. “I tried to wake you up. But no matter what I did, you just wouldn’t… You sounded so scared…” 

Natsu pulled his knees to his chest, and rested his chin on them. “I… I don’t remember what it was about.” Sure, he’d known it was a bad one. He’d woken up with that terrible feeling, a lingering fear, and a sense that something was  _ wrong, _ but unable to place what. 

Unfortunately, it was a familiar feeling. Especially during this time of the year.

Natsu blamed it on the approaching anniversary of Igneel’s disappearance, but… that really didn’t feel right. Somehow he knew that the dreams had nothing to do with Igneel. It was someone else... 

Lisanna gave him a worried look, but didn’t press. She just scooted closer, and rested her head on his shoulder. 

* * *

“They scream that I’m inhuman,” Natsu said. 

Happy cocked his head, and fluttered up to rest on Natsu’s shoulder. “What are you talking about?” 

“When I fight… it’s happened three times now,” he muttered. He clutched at his pants, the loose fabric bunching in his fists. “Why do they do that?” 

“It’s just ‘cause you’re powerful,” Happy said. “They yell things like that at Gray and Erza and Mira, don’t they?” 

“I…” Natsu didn’t know how to explain that it wasn’t the  _ same. _ People didn’t look at them with genuine  _ terror _ in their eyes, didn’t scream that they were inhuman, monsters. Didn’t beg them not to get closer. 

At least… not like they did to him. 

But Natsu didn’t have the words to explain that to his companion. 

“I guess you’re right.” 

* * *

More and more people seemed terrified of Natsu on jobs. If it were just the people he fought, he was pretty sure he would have been okay with it. He might have even thought it was funny, but why did the very people he was trying to save always look so scared of him? 

“Hey, Gildarts… people get scared of you, don’t they?” he asked. 

The older man looked away from Happy and Lisanna, who were bickering over the fishing pole. “Yeah, sometimes. Happens when you’ve got powerful magic. Why? Someone say somethin’ about me being scary?” He grinned, but it quickly faded when Natsu didn’t return the same easy emotions. “Something on your mind, kid?” 

“Sometimes they call me a monster on jobs,” he said quietly. “Do you think I’m a monster?” 

Gildarts blinked, like he was trying to process what he’d just said, before he began to chuckle. “You’re not a monster, you’re just fourteen. Besides, like I said, sometimes people are scared of powerful magic, especially people that don’t got magic at all. It’s nothing against you.” 

“But… but they—” 

“I’m telling you, it’s nothing, Natsu.” Gildarts ruffled his hair. “Now how about you go help Lisanna and Happy with catching some dinner.” 

Natsu sighed, and got up, wishing he could better explain why he was confused by these things. 

* * *

_ Demon.  _

That was a new one. No one had ever called him a demon before. Natsu supposed he could add that to the list.  _ Freak. Inhuman. Monster.  _ And now  _ demon. _

For some reason, Natsu thought he hated that one the most. 

Maybe because this time it had been a little girl who had said it. She’d been shaking with terror, her wide eyes filled with tears as she stared up at Natsu. The word had been breathed so quietly, were it not for his heightened hearing, Natsu wouldn’t have even heard it. 

Despite how terrified she was, he hadn’t had the time to try and calm her down. So he’d grabbed her and tossed her to Erza, hoping the other girl would have better luck than him, and he’d jumped straight back into the fight. 

But afterwards… he’d felt like throwing up. His insides twisted as he pictured her horrified face, and he briefly felt the urge to rip his own skin off. It felt too tight,  _ wrong. _

Wrong just like the rest of him. 

“Natsu?” Erza laid an armored hand on his shoulder. “Come on. We need to report back.” 

“Y-Yeah…” he murmured, glad her touch had chased away those impulses. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

The years ticked by, and nothing changed. People still screamed and whispered the same things about him. Enemies and the people he was trying to save alike. The only thing that  _ did _ change, was that he didn’t have Lisanna by his side anymore. 

She was the only one who actually listened to him. To his concerns and worries, and didn’t brush them off as nothing. She might not have ever known how to comfort him, or what it all meant, but at least she listened. 

She was also the only one who woke him up from the nightmares. 

Natsu didn’t know if he had actually been having more since she’d died, or if it just seemed like it since she wasn’t there to wake him up anymore. 

Sometimes he still talked to her grave. 

It listened just as well as anyone else did. 

* * *

“Were you scared of me… when we met?” Natsu asked. 

Lucy looked up from straightening her manuscript, having just gotten done scolding Happy for going through it yet again. “The hell? No? What kind of question is that? Why would you think so?” 

“I…” He gnawed at his bottom lip. “I don’t know…” 

The blonde’s eyebrows pinched in concern. “Hey, are you okay?” 

“I… I just…” The nightmares were getting bad again. It was why he always ended up at Lucy’s at night now. She’d thought it was strange at first, but hadn’t just completely turned him away like some other people had. “It’s nothing.” 

Because that was what everyone else always said. So it had to be nothing, didn’t it? 

Yeah, of course it was. 

* * *

It took a month for Natsu to work up the courage to go talk to Gajeel. Of course, he wasn’t  _ actually _ scared of the iron dragon slayer. Why the hell would he be? It was just… He didn’t know how to explain himself to him. 

“Hey, metalhead, I gotta question!” He’d tried to sound like his normal self, confident, a little demanding, but instead, his voice shook. 

“Huh?” Gajeel whipped around, already looking irritated. “I’m fuckin’ tired, Salamander. I ain’t in the mood to fight, I wanna go home.” 

“I… I don’t wanna fight, I just…” Natsu reached up to grab his scarf, twisting the garment around his fingers. “Like I said, I gotta question.” 

Gajeel rolled his eyes. “Well what the hell is it?” Then he frowned. “You on something? Y’er being weird.” 

_ On something?  _ Natsu nearly laughed. How pathetic! Did he actually look that freaked out? “No! No! I… I just thought… you’re a dragon slayer, so… when you fight, do people… are they genuinely scared of you?” 

“What? Wanna know so you don’t feel like a coward for bein’ scared of me?” he teased with a feral grin. 

“Forget it!” Natsu snapped, turning on his heel and marching away. If Gajeel was just going to be an ass, then he wasn’t going to put up with it! No one had ever taken him seriously before, why the hell would  _ Gajeel? _ Of all people? “Fuck you!” 

He didn’t know  _ why _ he was so upset over it. Maybe because Gajeel had been his last hope. If he had the same problems, it would fix everything. That meant it was just a  _ dragon slayer _ thing, not a  _ Natsu _ thing. 

“Of  _ course _ they’re scared of me!” Gajeel growled, causing Natsu to stop in his tracks. “Just like they’re scared of every other wizard that’s powerful as hell and has a mean streak. I’m sure half you Fairy Tail bastards got people thinkin’ the same things about you.” 

_ Every other wizard.  _

Except Natsu. Because he was  _ different. _

He was always different. 

But why? 

* * *

“How have you been doing, Natsu?” Lisanna asked. “Have you been okay?” 

It was an innocent enough question, for reuniting friends, but he could see it in her eyes. What she actually meant. What she was referring to. 

“I’ve been doing great, Lis!” he exclaimed with a smile, and he gave her another hug, already demanding to know more about what she’d been doing in Edolas. 

Because he was always great, wasn’t he? 

Yeah, yeah, of course he was. 

* * *

Natsu didn’t drink often. Or if he did, it was just enough to get a little buzzed, never plastered. Personally, he didn’t see the point in it. He could have a great time without being drunk, plus most alcohol didn’t taste that great anyways. 

But after Tenrou, he found himself at the bar with Cana. 

Quite honestly, he had no idea why. Something just… Tenrou had been a disaster, obviously, but the thing that got to Natsu, was that man… 

The man with the death magic, dressed all in black. He’d  _ known _ Natsu. Why had he known him?  _ Why? _

Why had something deep within Natsu twinged when he met him? 

He didn’t know  _ what _ shot of whiskey he was on, but Cana just kept handing them to him. “Damn, Natsu! We’re going drinking together more often! You’re the closest anyone in the guild has gotten to being able to keep up with me.” 

He leaned against Cana, and downed another shot, relishing the burning that accompanied it. 

“But seriously,” Cana said. “You never drink. What the hell is up with you? Doesn’t seem like happy drinking either.” 

Natsu stared at her, blinking a few times, trying to process what she said. “I wanna know what’s wrong with me…” he finally muttered. 

“Huh?” 

He pushed away from Cana and flopped down on the bar. “‘M fucked up… wanna know why…” He held his hand out, expecting the brunette to hand him another drink. 

_ “You’re _ fucked up?” Cana scoffed. “We’re all fucked up, Natsu! Join Fairy Tail, get free PTSD and gods know what else!” She raised her bottle. “Hell of a way to live!” 

Natsu sighed, wondering why he thought Cana might actually listen. 

* * *

The rubble of Crocus surrounded him, and Natsu fell backwards, gazing up at the stars and moon as dust billowed around his body. 

He had a feeling it was going to be a long time before he could fully wrap his head around everything that had happened. Dragons returning for a few moments, watching Lucy die, Rogue… 

He swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. 

Rogue had snapped. Had snapped and turned on everyone he knew. 

Did that mean that Natsu could do that, too? 

_ Monster. _

* * *

Natsu had long since given up actually trying to talk to anyone about how he really felt. He didn’t want to bother anyone, they had more important things to worry about, and besides… they’d never seemed to really listen anyways. 

But his nightmares were getting bad again, and evidently… his noises and thrashing had woken Erza. 

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked. “I’ve never noticed you having nightmares that bad before?” 

It stung more than Natsu would like to admit. She’d really never noticed? How often had they all slept together on jobs? When they were too cheap to rent more than one room? “Sorry…. Didn’t mean to wake you. Normally Happy catches it and gets me awake before I bother anyone else…” 

Erza sighed and shook her head. “I’m not mad, I’m worried. Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, Erza,” he insisted. “Don’t even remember it. Go back to sleep.” 

* * *

Watching Igneel die cut deeper than anything ever had before. 

He’d barely gotten a few moments with his father again, didn’t actually get to tell him anything, tell him about all the people he’d met, everything he’d done. 

Why shouldn’t he leave? 

He’d been dealing with things alone his whole life. Never mind that he was too weak to actually protect anyone he cared about and needed to get stronger… no one would want him there anyways. Not if he couldn’t smile, couldn’t act like he always had. 

So he’d go. 

He would go, and get everything under control, and then when he got back, everything would go back to normal, and he’d be fine again. 

_ Fine, fine, fine, fine….  _

* * *

Everyone was angry with him for leaving. None of them would admit it, but Natsu could see it in their eyes. Lucy was upset, Gray was pissed, Erza was probably going to kill him. 

None of them had asked why he'd gone. None of them even _wanted_ to understand. 

They’d just wanted him to stay with them, smiling and laughing and pretending everything was fine, to be a distraction, someone to lean on.

And that was fine. Because Natsu had always been like that. He couldn’t fault them for expecting that, for wanting that. He’d wished he’d thought about that before he left… 

But it was fine. He could make it up to them. He  _ could. _ He’d make it up to all of them. 

* * *

_ E.N.D.  _

“No…” 

_ Zeref's dead brother.  _

“I’m not. I’m  _ not. _ That can’t be true!” 

_ Inhuman. _

“I’m human! I don’t want to hurt anyone!” 

_ Monster. _

“Please…  _ please!” _

_ Demon. _

* * *

"Natsu, are you okay?" Happy asked. 

Natsu smiled. "Yeah, 'course I am. I'm fine." 


End file.
